All four of us were in the car, when out of the blue, Mark says, “You know, I realized that I don’t look people in the eye when I talk to them.  I need to work on that.”

WHA?!

A.  Who thinks that?

B.  Who states it out loud to his family? 

This kid surprises me just about every day.  He’s becoming more responsible, just when I’m expecting him to be less so.  He decided (on his own) to take charge of his robot-building team, because he thought they lacked leadership.  They needed someone to tell each person a task, and then follow-up on it.  He saw this, and made the decision to fill that void.  The team members were thrilled.

This is the kid that doesn’t (usually) want to put more effort into anything that he doesn’t have to.  Unless it is his web site or other computer-related activities.

He did his homework immediately after returning home from church.  Usually, he waits until 5 or 6 o’clock.

Who is this kid?  (And, if he’s not really Mark, let’s pretend I never brought this up.   I like this kid.  Whoever he is.)

Why are all universities’ cafeterias closed on Sunday night?

I’m going to Google it, but I figure my readers are even smarter than Google.

(No real reason I’m asking.  It just came up this past weekend, and we didn’t have an answer.)

I’m home from the crop weekend, and it was the best one yet!  My stomach hurts from laughing so hard, and I actually got quite a few pages completed!

A new annual tradition we have started is the Sweet Sixteen.  It is a complete rip-off of radio host Dave Glover’s weekly Sweet Sixteen.  Each week he chooses a topic, and he and his co-hosts complete a Sweet Sixteen-esque bracket to decide the “Best” whatever.  (Recent titles include Best Horror Movie, Best Female Body, Best Smell) 

Last year’s category was Best Romantic Movie.  We had some interesting entries, but when it came down to it, Sense and Sensibility was king.  This year it was Best TV Family.  Again, some interesting and surprising suggestions.  And, we were surprised how hard it was to come up with the names of the families.  Eight is Enough?  Seventh Heaven?  (Answers at the bottom of the post)  The winner of Best TV Family was…..

The Cunninghams!

(There were a couple of disgruntled voters.  The last match-up was Cosbys vs. Cunninghams.  It was a close one.  The Cosby voters are demanding a recount and hanging chad check.) 

BTW, Dave Glover’s Best TV Family?  The Munsters.  WHA?!   They didn’t even make our first list.

This was just one of the fun events we had this weekend.  And, also, one of the few that I am allowed to discuss! 

Answers:  Eight is Enough:  Bradfords  Seventh Heaven:  Camdens

This weekend is my annual weekend getaway for scrapbooking.  A group of us has been getting together for many years.  In fact, I can never remember how long we’ve been doing this.  My friend, Stephanie, helps us remember each year.  I think it has been at least 7 years now.  We are meeting at a chalet we rent at Innsbrook which is nice and close, so we can all come (and go) when it works best for us. 

We planned this about 3 or 4 months ago.  There are 8 of us, so finding a weekend that we could all go, and that the chalet was available, wasn’t easy, but that’s why we plan it so far ahead.  Since then, I’ve passed up various opportunities because this weekend was planned.  (This is quite the popular weekend for community theater performances.  Oh well, there will be others.)  It didn’t matter.  This is an important weekend.

I’m getting so excited.  Then, I get this really stupid feeling.  What if it doesn’t live up to my expectations?  What if it’s not as great as I’m anticipating? 

I’ve been this way almost my entire life.  The anticipation was often greater than the actual event itself.  So, whenever I get excited about something, I worry I’ve built it up.

Case and point, Halloween night we always get together for a party at our neighbor’s house, and it’s always a good time.  But by Halloween morning, I was not wanting to go.  Several extra people were invited, and I thought the evening just wouldn’t be the same.  Then, of course, it was a blast.  Quite the roller coaster of emotions.  I can almost hear my therapist telling me it’s a waste of my brain.  Tough to break a habit that I’ve had for 30+ years.

This weekend, though, I’m 99% sure it will be wonderful.  I always make sure I get my sleep, so the cropping ’til 2 am doesn’t happen for me anymore, but it doesn’t matter.  We have hours and hours of laughs.  Plus, I do actually get a lot of pages completed for my scrapbooks.   That’s just a side bonus, though.   

It’s a Girls Weekend.  And I can’t wait.

I was looking for a picture to put in Mark’s yearbook today.  For $15, the parents send in a baby picture and a short message that gets printed in the back of the book.  Pretty cute.

So, as I’m looking through pictures, I had a range of emotions.  Amazed at how quickly the years have gone by.  Joy at remembering what a cutie he was.  And, guilt for the time I was not the best mom.

I am not a perfect mom now, but the pictures of Mark as a baby brought up many memories of how I really felt back then.  This before my diagnosis of depression.  Certain pictures brought back very strong emotions and memories.  In fact, I’ve had to quit looking at them for a little bit. 

I was always so tired, edgy, and just, well, depressed.  I thought that was how all moms felt.  What mom isn’t tired with a newborn?  Sure, there were happy times, but as I look at the pictures, I see one very tired mom.  I remember thinking, “This is what I thought I was meant to be?  A mom?  And, I suck at it!”  Then I got the help I needed, thank heavens.  What a difference compared to the pictures of when Karen was born.  I look like a completely different person.

Thank goodness he’s turned out just fine, so far.  I don’t foresee him ending up on Montel telling the world how messed up his mom made him.  (Of course, does anyone foresee that?  Yet, there they are, five days a week.)  God has taken care of him.  And, Tom was amazingly patient and loving.  So, it probably hasn’t messed him up too much.  But, if you see him on one of those talk shows, give me a call, would you?

Yesterday, a mom of one of Karen’s friends said, “Well, when I was a kid, I took off on my bike and was gone all day.  I just decided that it was time to start letting [my daughter] go on her own.  I mean, I’m sending her with my cell phone and having her check in.  I mean, c’mon, we didn’t even have cell phones back then!”

This mom was surprised that I wasn’t comfortable with Karen riding her bike alone for a mile to her friends’ house.  Karen is eleven.  If she weren’t going alone, I wouldn’t have a problem with it, but since she was…no way.

Of course, as I’ve mentioned before, at 43, peer pressure still exists.  You’d think it would go away when you became an adult.  Or at least, you hoped it would.  But, no.  I was standing there, on the phone getting pressure from this mom to let my daughter ride alone.  I explained that I didn’t want her riding up there alone and the mom said, “Oh, I thought you lived near “Lucy” and “Ethel.”"  I said, “Yep.  We do.  But, that is just too far for Karen to go on her own.  I’m just not comfortable with it.”  “Oh.”  Then I let the uncomfortable silence sit there.

The mom then agreed that I could come and pick her daughter up and take the girls to Planet Smoothie.  Which is what I offered in the first place. 

Do I wish this was an era where I could say, “See ya!” to my kids and have them home by dark?  Sure do!  Those were great times.  Did horrible things happen to kids back then?  Sure did, we just didn’t know about them.  But, now we do.  We hear about them all the time.  And, knowing a registered sex offender (involving children) lives between our house and Karen’s friend’s house made the decision even easier.  But, even if that wasn’t true, I still wouldn’t have let her go.  It just seemed so far away.

I believe in safety in numbers.  And, Karen and her two friends used to walk to and from school every day last year.  But, during that time of day, there were lots of other kids and parents walking to and from school as well.  So, it’s not that we live in a scary area, or that I want my children to be afraid to go anywhere.  But, I’m not going to send them out to play in traffic, either.

I just felt the need to write this down.  I don’t want to be a helicopter mom.  I want to let my kids grow up.  But, they both still have plenty of time for that.  Right?  Hang on, I’ve gotta go cut the crusts of their PB&Js.

Last Friday, I won 2 tickets to the Bruce Springsteen concert on Sunday night.  My kids and I watch Fox 2 in the morning every morning.  Most days they have a Song of the Day contest.  All you have to do is go online and enter your email address.  No trivia required.  I enter once in awhile.  I won a gift certificate to a German restaurant back in the summer.  I thought, “What the heck?  Never heard of it, but, hey, it’s $50.”  It was pretty good, actually.  Apparently, the Germans like their gravy.

But, this time, I was very excited.  I thought Tom would be excited if I won.  We never go to concerts.  It’s cheaper to buy the cds, you know?

I got home from having lunch with my friend Debbie, and Tom said, “You got some good news on the answering machine.”  I listened and found out I had won the tickets!  I jumped up and down and started yelling, “I won!  We’re going to Bruce Springsteen!  Woo Hoo!  I can’t believe it!”  I repeated this several times.  Only then did I look at Tom to see his reaction.  A frozen smile.  WHAT?!?!?  I reminded him of what had just happened FREE TICKETS TO BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN! 

“I don’t like concerts.”  Huh?  I said, “Well, I know we never go, but that’s because they are expensive.  This is FREE!”  “Well, that is ONE reason I don’t like them, but I really just don’t like them.  I don’t know when to stand up or when to sit down.  I mean, can’t you just sit down the whole time?”  Ugh.

After much discussion, he encouraged me to take someone else.  I called my friend Debbie and SHE gave me the reaction I was looking for.  She was in the lobby at school, and she was screaming.  “Are you KIDDING me?  Oh my gosh!  Wow!  I’m so excited!!!”  And, then she sent me an email telling me how excited she was and that she was sorry she couldn’t act as excited as she really was.  That she had to hold back, due to the fact she was in the school.  LOVE IT!

So, now two very excited people will be attending the concert on Sunday.  We were BORN TO RUN!!!!!

Karen is home sick again today.  With “flu-like symptoms.”  No, I don’t know if it is swine flu.  Good news is she is feeling much better today.

I found this on the desktop of my laptop.

Note from Karen

I know I always loved when my mom took care of me.  I’m glad she taught me well.  It’s so nice to be appreciated!

As my previous post stated, I’m still having transition issues.  I’ve decided to take Xanax a few times a day even if I don’t think I need it.  Today that seems to have paid off.  This week has been rough.

So far, I haven’t cried today.  That’s huge for this week.  My stomach is only slightly knotted up.  That’s huge.  Tomorrow I don’t have to get up early.  HUGE!

So, we’ll see what the weekend brings.  This last weekend was Tom’s brother’s wedding and it was fabulous!  The wedding itself was fantastic!  And, I worked really hard on “going with the flow.”  I guess it took more of a toll on me than I thought.    Who knew being easy-going would be so hard?

The start of the school year usually brings joy into the hearts of many moms.  “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” is not just for Christmas anymore, my friends.

This year has been off to a rocky start.  My emotions are all over the place.  But, lots of anxiety and some crying spells.  “What is up with that?” I’ll ask myself.  Often.

I’ve been toying with the idea of getting a job.  An opportunity has presented itself and I have been giving it some serious thought.  But, my mental/emotional state has seemed to have put the kibosh on it.  I keep wondering, “Is it temporary?  Is it something that isn’t going to get better unless I take some action?” 

Then it hit me.  This seemed to have a little “deja vu” ring to it.

I decided to see if I happened to mention this time period in my blog last year.  Lo and behold, sure enough, there it was.  September 2008 I was having a tough time. 

Good news all around.  You see, as I read it, I realized that last year was ten times worse.  YES!  This ain’t so bad.  AND, it was temporary.  I’ve lived to tell about it.  It didn’t require an increase in medication.  Just some meditation and time.

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