bipolar mom shares her insights on everyday life

Okay, I was half right……

My last blog earlier this morning was so positive, that I hesitate to write this one.  But, I think it’s theraputic for me.  Might as well bring you all down with me!  😉

This afternoon I hit a brick wall, I guess.  I had a great morning, and then WHAMMMO!  I went to Walgreen’s and as I drove home, my chest started to feel heavy, and that’s a sign that depression is on it’s way.  Bummer.  I did all I could do to try to head it off, took a Xanax, made myself some hot chocolate, read the Bible, played the piano, but no. 

Thank God for my parents.  I talked to them on their cell phones (they were out and about) and they headed over.  They asked if the kids and I wanted to come over and spend the night.  I thought about it for about two seconds.  Even as we were all going to the trouble of packing up our stuff, I kept telling myself that it would be worth it.  And, it definitely has been.  I’m sitting here updating my blog while my mom is helping my daughter with her homework and my son is at Boy Scouts.  I’m not sure I could have handled it alone.  I’m very grateful that I did not have to find out.

I know I have friends that are wanting to help.  Tell me to call them anytime.  If you are reading this, I am going to try to explain it.  When I get in these modes, I don’t want to talk at all.  Not to anyone.  It seems like such an effort.  I don’t care who you are.  When I come to my parents, I just sit around and read, watch TV, whatever.  I don’t talk.  Those of you that know me probably find that very hard to believe.  I know I found it strange myself when I realized it. 

My folks offered to take us all out to dinner and I just don’t want to be around people.  I don’t think that is that uncommon with this disorder. 

I do want you all to know that I don’t sit around and worry or feel sorry for myself.  I just try to ride through it and hope for the best the next day.

What I still need now are prayers.  Prayers for me and my family.  Just tonight I started crying hard and my daughter whispered something to my mom.  My mom said to her, “You know why she’s doing that, right?”  My daughter just smiled at me and said, “Yeah, I’m used to it.”  That made me happy and sad at the same time.  I’m glad she knows that she didn’t do anything to cause me to cry, but I’m sad that she has to witness this as often as she does.  So, add to your prayers the wisdom of my doctors so that my family isn’t having to mess with this for much longer.

Well, Scarlett, tomorrow is another day.

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Comments on: "Okay, I was half right……" (2)

  1. No problem about not wanting to be around people, I so understand. But isn’t it nice to know we care?;)
    Have you asked your dr. about ‘rapid cycling’? My mother-in-law (the high functioning’ bi-polar lady) experiences that from time to time-talk about a roller-coaster! But she has mostly really good days, so keep that thought!
    Prayers and hugs,
    KC

  2. migraine queen said:

    Sorry, but you can’t be “The WORST Mom Ever”!!! ~ I believe that title was given to ME! It is usually bestowed upon mothers who care and love their children dearly and are doing what’s in their best interest. You hang in there and keep protecting your child. He is lucky to have YOU for a mother.

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