bipolar mom shares her insights on everyday life

Well, Scarlett?

My dad had suggested yesterday that maybe I should get up and take a Xanax regardless of how I felt.  I thought that was a good idea, so I did that this morning.  I had a short crying spell an hour or so later, but nothing to analyze.  Then, took my morning nap, had lunch with my folks, started to unload the dishwasher for my mom, then WHAMMO!  Meltdown.  It hit so fast I didn’t have time to get the Xanax.  I was disappointed.  Frustrated.  Sad.  This is four days in a row of issues.  My friend, Karen asked if I had asked the doctors about “rapid-cycling.”  I have never heard of that, so I will ask my therapist that on Friday.

My dad was trying to help by saying, “Don’t look at next month, just concentrate on next week or even Saturday.”  I said that I felt like I couldn’t even face tomorrow.  What had happened to my pattern of two bad days, five good days? 

My parents are awesome.  They sat down with me (after a Xanax) and tried to help me figure out what was going on and how to possibly prevent it.  They asked tons of questions and we came up with this idea:  I am going to try taking a Xanax every 4 hours tomorrow and see what that does.  I took a Xanax this evening 4 hours after my meltdown and I’m feeling good.  Coincidence?  I don’t know. 

I’m going to try this idea tomorrow.  I guess I’m kind of a lab rat.  My friend, Christine, actually used a lab rat in college and asked if she could keep him, and she did.  So, I guess all rats aren’t ugly.  I’d like to think that Christine would want to adopt me after doing experiments on me.

Comments on: "Well, Scarlett?" (2)

  1. Thank you for letting us check on you without making you feel worse. The prayers are flowing! We all love you and your family and know this too will end. My Mom is proof. Hang in there!

  2. mmvcentro said:

    Hi Scarlett!

    I want to tell you first of all that what you are doing, what you call being “a lab rat” is very brave, I admire your attitude. Well done!!!!
    I would like more bipolars to follow your steps. I know about many friends that drag their families along just because they do not want to recognize that the path towards health is to take the medicine, go to theraphy and observe temserves closely to learn to master the illness instead of being driven upside down by it.

    I am bipolar too, I was commited for my first and only time in 1993 and went in denial until 1995 when I got my second major crisis. Luckily I did not end at the hospital again, and I have not gone back… why? Because I took seriously my medication and my therapy like you.

    Keep yourself on the health path, you will have this short circles just temporarily, everyone reacts differently to the medications give time to your Doctor to adjust the dosis and try out until you find the kind of medication and dosis that you need to be in control. Be patient. Congratulations! You count with wonderfull supportive parents!!!

    Look at it this way, you will be your own, unique and precious “lab rat” for the rest of your life; you need to keep a close watch on your unquiet mind and volatile emmotions to start taking your medication as soon as the signs of emotional disturbance show up.

    For example, I know that if do not sleep well I have to avoid at any cost to have lack of sleep a second night in a row. So even if I do not like it, because I wake up very drowsy and loose a morning work, I take the “emergency pill”. The one that knocks me out half an hour after I take it and go to bed.

    Good luck! You are on the right track.
    Love: Maru

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