bipolar mom shares her insights on everyday life

Help Yourself!

Today was not the greatest of days.  A couple of posts ago, I mentioned that my stomach hurt, supposedly out of guilt.  (which has yet to be proven, but we’ll go with that for now.) 

This morning, I thought I was going to jump out of my skin.  That is the best way I can describe it.  Anxious.  Teetering on the edge of a cliff feeling.  Then, my stomach just hurt.  Then, I worried about why I was hurting and then worrying about it.

I kept trying to tell myself that I am not going to be “normal” anymore.  What used to be normal for me is no longer going to be.  And, what was normal then was no picnic for those around me, nor for myself, because I would always crash after a period of normalcy.  Mental illness stinks.  Calling it mental illness stinks too.

So, I had to figure out what to do to make myself feel “better.”  My upper back has been hurting (there I go again, sounding like I’m 82), so I haven’t gotten much sleep.  (DING!  Trigger time!)  So, I popped a couple of ibuprofen and took a 30 minute nap.  Woke up and felt pretty good for about, oh, 3 minutes.

Then, Bam!  Back to feeling cruddy.  So.  Now what, Michelle? 

Can’t call your mom because she is going to go out to lunch with her friend.  And, two things would happen if you called:  1)  She would take time for you, and not be as ready as she’d like to be for her lunch and 2) She’d think about you while having lunch, therefore not enjoying herself.  Now, I know you are reading this, Mom, and believe me, I did this just as much for myself today.  How cruddy would I feel if I messed up your day?  Pretty cruddy.  Let’s look at Option #2.

Option #2:  Call and talk to Dad.  Great listener, but this was going to call for more than just listening.  It would require my going over there.  And, the timing would definitely still interfere with Mom’s day, so she’d know about it, and (see option#1)  My dad rocks, and would quickly suggest we meet somewhere for breakfast/lunch.  Normally, that would be reason enough to call him.  Yum!  However, I have really been watching what I eat, and going out to eat didn’t sound good at all, and might have been counter-productive.

Option #3:  Call Tom.  Tom had a big presentation today at work.  I really try not to call him anyway, because what can he do?  He’s half an hour away.  So, my calling him makes him feel helpless and causes him to not be able to concentrate on his job.  And, I don’t have to tell you all how important having a job is.  🙂

Option #4:  (Yeah, I really did think of all these.  My mind tends to do this.)  Phone a friend.  No not Regis Philbin.  One of my many friends that has said, “Call me any time.”  Well, you all are so sweet, but there were reasons I didn’t call each of you.  Too numerous to mention, and possibly too personal.  Just know I thought of you.  😉

So, I was out of options.  But, I persevered.  I decided to go to The Happiest Place on Earth.  I know.  You think that’s Disneyland.  Well, you are wrong.  It’s Wal-Mart.  Well, it was as close as I could get in under an hour to a pretty happy place.  Plus, I needed a few items.

Well, you know how it is.  When you aren’t feeling well, things just don’t go right.  I couldn’t find my car keys.  I was sitting on them.  And, that was before I even left the house, obviously.

I hit Wal-Mart, and stuck to my list, for the most part.  Just getting out did help a little.  And, I was proud of myself for not hitting the chocolate aisle, just ripping open a package, and sitting in the middle of the aisle looking like Augustus Gloop. 

I then drove down to Lion’s Choice.  Ordered a sandwich, NO FRIES, and a diet Dr. Pepper.  Then I drove to/through Greensfelder Park and enjoyed the scenery and weather.

But, what I did next was what made me turn the corner.  Get out your notebooks, kiddies.  On my .mp3 player, I watched an episode of “The New Adventures of Old Christine.”  And, laughed and laughed.  Right there in my minivan.  After it was over, I realized I felt much better. 

Huh.  That “laughter is the best medicine” thing may have some merit after all.

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