bipolar mom shares her insights on everyday life

Counting Sheep

For the past several weeks, I’ve awakened at 3 am.  Sometimes I can go back to sleep, sometimes I can’t.  Last night, was a “no-can-do” night.  So, I got up and wandered around and did a few things for about an hour, then went back to bed.  Got up at 8:30 or so. 

One of the first things I did when I got up at 3, was to search the internet for reasons I would be awake at a somewhat consistent time.  First reason that showed up most often – DEPRESSION.  Oh, for Pete’s sake.  Seriously?  Even though I am the poster child for depression, I really don’t thing this is depression-related.  If it had been one or two nights, maybe.  But, for a month?  I really doubt it.  Plus, I don’t have any other signs.  And, believe me.  I look.

Then, there’s the theory that something is actually waking me up, but not lasting long enough to have me recognize it.  Such as a freight train going by.  Hmmmm.  Possibly.  The only way to figure that one out is to actually stay up until 3 am and see if I hear anything.  That’s a last resort.

I’m trying a new tactic.  I’m staying up later than normal.  I don’t have to get up in the morning, so I can get my regular hours of sleep in, and then we’ll see what happens. 

I called and got a new CPAP mask ordered today.  Maybe that’ll help.  When I called, the woman on the other end of the phone told me that earlier this month, a man called and said he needed new crap supplies.  She thought, “what?!?!?”  Then she realized he thought CPAP was C-R-A-P.  She said she’s heard people call the CPAP a lot of things, but this was the first time she’d heard it called “crap.”  She said she could barely stay on the line, she was laughing so hard.

So, tonight I’m trying to stay up later.  And, I’m drifting off even as I write.  Good night, friends.  I’ll catch you on the flip side.


Comments on: "Counting Sheep" (4)

  1. Liz Prouty said:

    Just so you know…I love you deeply friend. I really really do. And when I look back at the last 10 years and think about outstanding moments, I think back to my first Cantata practice, and remember that loud, obnoxious woman who dared talk back to me as I tried to be the loud, obnoxious woman. A match made in a choir loft. So, my friend, my sister, I love you very very much!

  2. depression is a bitch!. I treat people who suffer from depression and i must say that it’s not a picnic neither for them or for their families. depression is not merely a state of mind it can prove to be a state of state causing a state of mind for the induvidual

  3. I’m ALL about staying up late and sleeping late! Too bad teaching doesn’t elude to that activity very well! 🙂 Nappy new year!

  4. Ha! Just realized what I typed. Happy new year!
    An appropriate freudian slip, if you ask me. 😀

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