bipolar mom shares her insights on everyday life

Zzzzzz? Not So Much.

The bipolar down curve has kicked in.  But, this time, I think I know why.

Sleep.  Pretty much my #1 trigger.  I go to sleep just fine, but then wake up around 12.  Then 1:30.  Then 2:15.  Until about 4, when I finally sleep until 6 when the alarm goes off.  And, I don’t just wake up for a few seconds, I’m tossing and turning for what seems like forever.

I’ve been using my CPAP machine religiously.  There are times, though, when I feel as though it just stops working.  But, not necessarily every time I wake up.

Of course, a visit to the sleep doctor is in order.  And, of course, I have to change doctors since we changed insurance companies.  Fortunately, there is one not too far from here, and when I called for an appointment on Friday, I was on the verge of tears.  That, apparently, tends to get a person a quick appointment. So, tomorrow, I go to the new doctor.  There are 17 pages of forms to fill out.  (Literally.  No exaggeration required on that one.)  We’ll see what happens.

I do feel good about one thing.  I am pretty much in tune with my body.  I can recognize that something just isn’t right before it becomes full-blown.  Not that I can do anything about it right away, but at least I’m not going around thinking, “What is wrong with me?  Why do I feel so crummy?  There’s no hope.”  That last one is a biggie.  Even when I was at my folks’ on Friday, and weeping a lot, I knew what was wrong. 

Thank goodness they were there.  Nobody makes me feel more secure than Mom and Dad.  I don’t have to put up a front for them.  (If Tom weren’t at work, he’d provide the same environment. Again, I am so thankful that I didn’t have to bother him at work.)

So, this post is for those who often ask, “How are you doing?”  Well, friends, right now, not so hot.  (Friday was the worst day.  Making an appointment with the doctor put that light at the end of the tunnel.) But, I’ll let you know how tomorrow goes with the new guy. I’m very optimistic.  And, right now, that’s saying something.

Comments on: "Zzzzzz? Not So Much." (3)

  1. Hang in there. You’ve got the hardest part covered. You know your body, you know how to get help, and you’re doing everything you can for yourself. So many times that’s the hardest part. Big hugs!

  2. I hope you get good news tomorrow and the sleep doc can help! Will I be seeing you this weekend??

  3. Sending prayers your way, friend. Lack of sleep STINKS. Our sleep schedules sound about the same…. you should call me when you wake up, that way you can keep me awake during Nicholas’ feedings!

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