Archive for November, 2010
Authors and songwriters talk a lot about writer’s block. Well, just like my anti-anorexia (see blog of May 9, 2008…the link feature isn’t working right now, so you’ll have to go down to the right side of the page here and click on May 2008 archives), I’m having anti-writer’s block.
I have so much I want to write about that my brain is spinning. My fingers can hardly keep up with the thoughts in my head right now.
- I want to update you on my emotional state
- I want to tell you about a funny conversation with my psychiatrist
- I want to relay funny/interesting stories about my latest trip to the loony bin
- I want to relay funny/interesting stories about my time spent in out-patient therapy
- I want to write about just regular stuff!
I don’t know what to write first! And, as I get started writing one, then five other things pop into my head.
So, I’m going to write what many of you who read this blog are apparently the most interested in. My mental health. Maybe just getting this out will allow me to write about more topics tomorrow.
Still a roller coaster. Had a big crash on Wednesday night. Major panic attack, uncontrollable crying, guilt, you know, the usual. (Well, it is beginning to feel like the usual. (sigh))
Talked to the psychiatrist Thursday and we are still “tweaking” the meds. Increase Abilify…maybe the daily crying will stop. Decrease the Xanax. Maybe I won’t feel like Rip Van Winkle. (I definitely don’t feel like Sleeping Beauty!)
I gotta tell you, now that I’ve been working on this for over a month (and, yes, I know it is a lifetime deal, but I hope you know what I mean), I’m getting a little frustrated AND fed up.
But, hey, Scarlett and Pollyanna, tomorrow is another day!
Good golly this has been some kind of week! One heck of a roller coaster. If 6 Flags hired me, I would be able to design the world’s greatest roller coaster based just on my emotions in the last month. And this last week would make anyone’s stomach flip-flop. Ugh.
On a scale of 0-10, with 10 being outstanding, my day today is an 11. I know! Great news! Earlier in the week, however, I was feeling really good. Almost too good. Doctor said it was hypo-mania. Great. Then, the depression hit on Tuesday night and carried on through Thursday morning. Blech.
I have a treatment plan that I’m working on, so hopefully, that will help me through the next couple of days. I’m still waiting on the new medication to take effect. That could happen any day now.
So, imagine you are on this roller coaster. Right now is that freaky curve that you can’t tell where you are going next. It could be an extreme drop (not my first choice) or just a fun hairpin curve.
I’ll let you know. But for now, put those arms up in the air and at least try to enjoy the ride. (and remain seated until the ride comes to a complete stop.)
I just wanted to give everyone a quick update on my favorite subject: me.
I checked myself into the mental health facility again. My bipolar disorder was diving quickly.
I stayed from Friday through Wednesday.
I’m home and getting more help through an Intensive Outpatient Program.
I’m feeling better each day, and when I feel emotionally ready to share it all, I’ll come back on and give you all some details. Right now, it’s just too fresh.
But, I’m really glad to be home.