bipolar mom shares her insights on everyday life

Archive for the ‘weight’ Category

Who ARE You?

That is what my body is saying today.

This weekend was so wonderful and surprisingly filled with events that could be considered “exercise.”  I KNOW!  I can’t believe it myself!  And, I know my body is in shock.

Thursday night, I walked two miles up to the free movie that Wildwood has once a month.  Karen and Tom were already there, so I met them.  The movie was “Journey to the Center of the Earth 3-D.”  Pretty funny, even though it wasn’t supposed to be.  But, hey, it was free.

Friday, I walked another two miles.  I have found my motivation.  I got a book from the library for my .mp3 player, and I won’t let myself listen unless I’m exercising.  I love the book and I love the exercise.  (Especially since it is unseasonably cool here.)

On Saturday, the family went on a walk up to the Farmer’s Market at Wildwood Town Center, then hit Dierberg’s, then walked to Mobil on the Run for quarter drinks.  (Thanks, Cardinals!)  This had to be at least a 7 mile trek.  (Those of you that run marathons are probably laughing your heads off.  But, for me, it was a big deal.)  It felt soooo good!  Tom even said, “Man, you were bookin’ it!”  I laughed and said, “I only know one speed.  If you are going faster than me, I can’t catch up.  If you are going slower, I’m thinking, “C’mon!  Hurry up!”  At least that’s how I am with longer distances.  Not a stroll around the park.  I can go slower.  🙂

On Sunday, after church there was a BBQ planned at a member’s farm.  They planned a bike ride on the Katy Trail beforehand.  And, no, I did not ride my bike.  My bike has a nasty, hard, misshaped seat.  I can’t ride it for long at all.  But, I did go to the farm, had a nice meal, then played volleyball.  I was sweating, I was playing so hard!  Again, it felt soooo good.  (Especially since all but one serve went over the net, thank you very much.)  I have a bruise on my wrist from playing, but it was worth it.  A war wound, I guess.

Monday, I went for a walk.  Today, I’ll go for another walk.  I’m hoping that soon not only will my body be thinking, “Seriously.  Who ARE you?”  but, I will be able to look at my body and think the same thing.

Ewww! What is wrong with them?

I was sitting in the waiting room of Kent’s office.  The door opens and in walks a teenage girl, a woman (with a broken foot, so she’s in a wheelchair), and a man.  My first thought was, “Hmmm.  I wonder which one of them is in for counseling.  Or is it all three?  I wonder what is wrong with them.”  Part of this is because whenever I walk in, I can almost hear the thoughts of the people in the waiting room, “Wow.  What’s she in for?”  I want to shout, “I have bipolar disorder!  What’s wrong with YOU?”  But, I restrain myself.  Plus, they might all shout, “Well, we knew it wasn’t anorexia, Lady!”  (This office is littered with eating disorder pamphlets.)

As I sat there, I realized that this was the only place I did this kind of thinking.  I enter my psychiatrist’s waiting room, and I never think about it.  Everyone that comes and goes, does so without my even taking a second glance.  (Except for the possibility that I might know them, so I do take that first glance.)

When I go to my OB/GYN, it is pretty obvious why many of them are there.

Even at my Internist’s office, I never wonder, “Hmmm.  Do you think they have strep throat?  Oh, how about Lyme Disease?  Oooh, maybe Bornholm Disease!”  (I actually had that.  Look it up.)

Why is this?  I realize many people may do this at any doctor’s office.  But, do you go to the post office and think, “I wonder what they are shipping?”  Doubtful.  How about the bank?  If you actually go into the bank, that is.

When you take your child to the pediatrician, there isn’t much reason to guess.  Most around here have well-visit hours, and hours to examine children who are ill.  Doesn’t take Louis Pasteur to know that a kid with a runny nose has some issues and to steer clear.

It would make it a lot easier on those of us who do wonder about these things if everyone would just come in and write their malady on a 4×6 index card and hold it up for all of us to see.  Think that would catch on?  Yeah.  Me neither.

Swimsuit Shopping

Women often run screaming when they hear those two words “Swimsuit Shopping.”  And, for those of us on the “plus” side, believe me, it is one of those things you make yourself do.  Just like those yearly exams we are supposed to have.  Ugh.

My daughter and I went shopping yesterday for a bit.  She bought a few things including a swimsuit.  Of course, she’s 10 and has the cutest figure and looks great in anything.  So, she’s trying on a two-piece (no boring old one-pieces for her!) and checking herself out in the mirror, shaking her hips watching the little ties on the sides flip around.  In her mind, there is nothing more exciting than that new swimsuit for summer.

Then there’s me.  Blech.  Not only are the swimsuits I’m looking at WAY more than I want to spend, but if I want to spend that much, I want to look good.  And, that ain’t happenin’, folks.  FINDING a swimsuit in your regular department store isn’t easy when you are looking for the women’s sizes.  (By the way, my dear friend was helping her sister look for clothes one time and announced, “Hey, sis, here is an 18 Wide!”  Needless to say, her sister sat on her and said, “W=Women, not Wide.”)  They don’t have a section for Women’s swimsuits.  Ours are mixed amongst all the others.  (Thankfully, not the petites.  Those little bitty things have their own section.)  I finally found one swimsuit that even had women’s sizes.  ONE!  So, I started ranting to my daughter, “So!  This is what it has come to, huh?  THEY decide that THIS is the only swimsuit overweight women can even pull off?  Is THAT what they are saying?”  She was sweet enough to just shake her head in empathy.  “Ugh!  And, check out the price!  PUH-LEEZE!  For that much, it should come with sleeves and a coupon for free liposuction!”   I did find two more suits that carried the Women’s sizes.  I decided on one, and bought it.  No way was I trying that thing on in the store. 

After I brought it home, I had buyer’s remorse.  Did I really need a new suit?  I have a couple that are perfectly fine.  Don’t look worn out at all.  Plus, we aren’t going anywhere this summer that would require a suit.  We may go on a float trip with Tom’s family, but I wouldn’t want to buy one just for that.  So, I’m taking it back.  Along with the cover-up that I bought.  Seriously, that thing isn’t going to cover up nearly enough!  😉 

So, the new swimsuit and the mirror will never meet.  Awww.  Too bad.  I think they are both better off not seeing each other.


First of all, let me say that I do believe that anorexia is a real disease and I am not trying to make light of it.  So, please don’t email me or make comments about my being insensitive.  I know someone who is anorexic and it is so very sad and I pray for her.

Now, with that out of the way, let me say that I think I am “non-anorexic.”  Anorexics look in the mirror and think they look fat no matter how thin they are.  I look in the mirror and think, “Hey, I’m lookin’ pretty good!”  (The scale and my clothes disagree.)  Granted, I don’t look in the mirror often.  Just when I’m heading out the door and want to make sure my skirt isn’t tucked into my underwear.  Otherwise, it’s just a look in the mirror to put on or fix my makeup.

Is anyone else like this?  Did Mama Cass look in the mirror and say, “You are one groovy lookin’ chick, babe!”?

A Rainy Day

This is what I have been doing all day. I’ve been eating less. Can you tell?

Dance ’til You Drop

If I called you on the phone right now, you would think that I was an obscene caller.  All I’d have to do is say, “What are you wearing?” and you’d hang up on me.  Immediately.

That’s because I’m breathing heavily since I just burned 200 calories doing DDR.  (For those of you who are not hip to the lingo, DDR is Dance Dance Revolution.  It’s a video game that has arrows to tell you where to put your feet on the beat on a special mat.  Kind of like Twister with out the falling down.  Hopefully.)  I bought DDR-Hottest Dance Party for the Wii back in October or November.  I would never do this kind of thing in public like the young kids do, but I thought it would be fun to mess around with in the privacy of my own home.  The cool thing about this version, is you can put in how many calories you want to burn and it figures that out for you as you step all over the mat.  I put in 200 and thought I was going to die.  I haven’t done it in several months.  Certainly not since I got back from the Looney Bin.  I’ve just been too tired.  But, today I decided to give it a try.  Boy, am I seriously out of shape.  (I know, I know, round is a shape…)  The thing with this game is there is a guy that is trying to be Simon Cowell, I guess, because he tells you how you did at the end, plus you get a grade.  So, I stepping my little heart out, and he’s saying, “AW!  That was simply terrible!”  And up comes the grade: “D”.  😦 

It takes more than some stinkin’ ol’ Brit to get me down though.  I kept trucking along.  Until I had burned up my 200 calories.  So, I decided to look up what else burns 200 calories in 30 minutes.  Running Cross Country.  My husband and son love to do that.  I do not.  Not even a little.  Sweet.  I’d much rather dance than run.  Or I could do a step workout that has a 10-inch step for 30 minutes.  Yikes.  I tried that once.  Once. 

I like this DDR thing for one particular reason.  No excuses for not doing it.  It’s here in my own home.  No “it’s too cold” or “I don’t want to drive all the way there.”  All I need is my TV, my mat, and my rhythm.  Well, Meatloaf put it best “Two out of three ain’t bad.”

We’re Not All Grandmothers

Okay, this is what really made me start this blog-thing today.  I am overweight.  Apparently, I have hypo-thyroidism and I just found out.  This may be part of my problem or maybe it’s not.  Regardless, I have to shop in the Women’s department of most stores. 

Today, I hit an after Christmas sale at a chain department store.  In the 60% off section were some lovely items and I was thrilled with the finds!  HOWEVER, may I please just let all the merchandisers out there know that not all WOMEN are grandmothers!  Nor do we all like cats.  So, really, we don’t want that kind of thing embroidered all over a sweatshirt.  In fact, the embroidered sweatshirt went out (if it was ever in) in the 80’s when I was finishing up teaching 2nd grade.  I had sweatshirts given to me as gifts that had kids embroidered on them and they were cute.  So were the darling jumpers I wore.  I don’t wear those anymore either.  Nor do I want to.  I was so tired of looking at this rack of clothes that was filled to the rim with “Grandmas Love Hugs” and “I Love Cats,”  I thought I was going to hurl.   How about one that has building blocks appliqued on it and says, “I’m in shape.  Round is a shape.”  I might have bought that one!

Now, I realize that the grandmothers that like to wear these things must buy their clothing somewhere.  And, maybe I just happened to come in on the day they were letting these go.  So, I’m not going to start a picket line or anything drastic like that.  I just got tired of it.  Hence the blog.

I’d love to hear from other-sized women that are tired of the same type of stereotyping in their departments.  I know they are out there.

Sorry to go on and on about this.  I’ll let you think about it while I go try on my new muu-muu. 

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