bipolar mom shares her insights on everyday life

Posts tagged ‘bipolar’

Day 3!!!!!!!!

Go figure! Day 3 of good mood swings! I see Kent in two days (Friday). Maybe he can shed some light on this roller coaster I’ve been on.

Thanks again for your prayers!

Too Soon?

Great day #2 got me thinking about throwing my hat into the ring to substitute for our local school district. How’s that for coming out of the gate running? I have to go get my teaching certificate out of our safety deposit box, so I can’t complete the application process. Otherwise, I think I’d be trying to finish it tonight! (A little mania showing here???) I’m excited and nervous at the same time. I don’t know who I’d get letters of references from. I’ve been out of teaching since Mark was born. That’s 17 years, people! But, I just know it would be good for me and I would like it! It’s perfect for a bipolar person like myself, because I can pick and choose what days I work. Karen is almost excited as I am! She thinks it would be just great. Why? Because then she can snack while I’m gone. I love that my kids tell me the truth. ha

Oh, yeah, and the first day of school was today, and I have two in high school now. Like that’s a big deal. ūüôā

Yeah, Yeah, I Know. Where Have I Been?

I don’t know why I looked on here, but today I did. So, it looks like I haven’t blogged since January. Wow. There goes¬†that resolution. I’m in a down-slump right now. The family is at church, but I just couldn’t bring myself to go. Too much work to be “on.” And, about the third “How are you?” I would have been fighting back tears.¬†

A couple of weeks ago, the doctor upped my Abilify to boost me out of my depression. It was a really bad one. I felt like I was headed for the hospital for sure, but the Abilify helped. For the most part. I’m still struggling with some down times.¬†

The family went on a vacation to Gatlinburg, TN for a family reunion and we all had a good time. Yep. Even I did. I didn’t nap excessively. In fact, there were two days I didn’t nap at all! Sleep is still proving to be an issue. A red flag as it were. I’m working on it, though. Trying to limit the time.

I realize this post is all jumpy and doesn’t flow, but I figure, why not just type it up anyway? I hope you, my readers, will say a little prayer for me. Your prayers have worked in the past and I have confidence they will again.

Time to Check in With the Doctor

I’ve had a rough week.

After a busy and tiring weekend, this week went downhill. On Monday, I slept most of the day. Which didn’t really surprise me after the weekend I had. But then on Tuesday I had a mindset of hating almost everything. I hated my house, I hated our yard, I hated just about everything that was usually fine and dandy. Very much the opposite of the way I usually feel. I’m usually a Pollyanna. Look her up if you don’t know who she is.

Wednesday was meh. I decided to bake since that is something I enjoy and hoped it would get me out of my “funk.” Well, the pie that I made for Sunday’s church picnic (and took 3rd place, thank you very much) didn’t turn out nearly as well on Wednesday. It was undercooked. I mean soupy. I was near tears. My folks came over to taste this great pie, and it turned out like…well, you know. We talked about my mood in general lately. As we have learned over the years, my parents (particularly my mom) will notice a change in my mood before I do. Apparently, several weeks ago, she mentioned to my dad that she thought I was headed for a down-turn. I promised to re-evaluate the situation in a week and go see the doctor if I hadn’t bounced back.

Thursday came crashing down. When I got up and went to work, I was doing pretty well. Then I screwed things up at work and what should have taken me 30 minutes or so, took an hour and 30 minutes. I was so bummed. I get paid by the hour, but I felt like I shouldn’t have charged my boss for that extra hour, since my screwing it up was the reason it took so long. So, I came home from lunch, and really started to crash. Not in a sleepy way, but in a mental way. I made a pizza and sat down to watch Modern Family which is one of my favorite shows. I didn’t laugh once. Now I knew something was wrong. I picked up the phone and called the doctor’s office. His receptionist got me an appointment for the very next morning. (today) I called my boss and said I just couldn’t make it in that afternoon. (Bonus points for the job I have. Bonus points go to my boss as well)

I called my mom and went over to my folks’ house and spent the rest of the afternoon over there. My mood picked up quite a bit. I didn’t take my daily nap because, honestly, I was worried I wouldn’t want to get out of bed. Ever.

I went to Guys and Dolls rehearsal because it was devoted entirely to choreography for one of the few songs I’m in. Choreography is not my strong suit, so I knew I couldn’t miss it. I did fine. I was exhausted and went to bed as soon as I got home.

Now, I’ve brought you up to speed to today. (About time, huh?)

After explaining all this to the psychiatrist (including the daily naps), here is what was decided. Take Lamictal at night since that could make me sleepy. Increase the Prozac and the Abilify to battle the depression that I obviously was battling. (When he heard me say that I was hating myself on Wednesday, he said, “That’s¬†depression.) So, in a few days, I expect to see a change in my mood and my sleep habits.

Here’s hoping…(prayers would be nice too, if you don’t mind.)

Catching Some Zzzzs and Then Some

About a year or so ago, I went to the sleep clinic and the doctor said that I needed between 8-10 hours sleep. Really?!

Well, that seems about right these days. I sleep 8 hours every night, and during the day I take a 2 hour nap. Who is lucky enough to have a lifestyle that is¬†accommodating¬†enough to allow a 2 hour nap? ¬†Since lack of sleep is one of my bipolar triggers, I’m lucky to have such an opportunity each day.

I could go to bed at 8 and wake up at 6. (Some nights that sounds pretty good! Especially when the weather is as cool as it is right now!)

A 2 hour nap sure cuts out a big chunk of my day, but I get so sleepy I can’t help it. The dreams I have during those naps are weird and very vivid. Too boring to share, don’t worry.

Just thought I’d drop a line before I hit the hay on my way to la la land.

Luck Was A Lady Tonight

I’m floating on air! I was just cast in the musical Guys and Dolls!

By the way, I stole my blog title from a friend on Facebook. He’s quite clever.

I have no idea what the show is really about, nor have I heard any of the songs. (Other than Luck Be a Lady to Night, and even with that one, I only know that line. ha)

This is going to be great, I just know it. It’s a small role, so I won’t have to be at all the rehearsals, which won’t means I won’t be away from the family too often. Yet, I still get to be in another show, and that always puts me in a good mood. The bipolar monster doesn’t seem to rear its ugly head when I’m doing shows.

Tom was thrilled for me. As usual, he’s the one who “made” me audition. I prayed about going before I even mentioned it to him. When I did, his face lit up and he said, “Of course you are going to audition!” I still had reservations, but he talked me into it. Granted, it didn’t take much of a push, but he genuinely encourages me to do these shows.

So, yeah. I’m really excited. Rehearsals start in two weeks and the show runs November 3-6. Perfect timing. I’ll be done in time for Thanksgiving and Christmas! ¬†Woo hoo!

 

 

 

The Good Ol’ Days

Looking for something to blog about, I searched the web for blog prompts. Some were just boring, others were bizarre. (Describe your first experience in a cemetery. ¬†Really? Actually, I enjoy visiting cemeteries, but that’s just a freak part of me, not blog-worthy.) Then I ran across one that asked, “What’s your favorite historical era? Who would you want to meet? Blah blah blah.” Which got me to thinking, “If I could live in another decade, when would that be?”

I’ve always thought “my time” would have been the 50s. Love the fashion, music, and the general “good feel” of the decade. I’m not just gathering this info from Happy Days, ¬†my parents grew up during that era as well. So, how different would my life be, anyway?

In my younger years, I would have ROCKED a poodle skirt. I think it would have looked a lot better than those monogrammed sweaters that were popular when I was in high school. Sock hops looked like fun, but I didn’t attend a dance in high school, so I’m going with the idea that that probably wouldn’t have changed, even in the 50s.

No tv. Hmmm. I could live with that, I think. If we had one, we wouldn’t have a lot of choices, but that would be fine. We don’t even have cable or dish now.

Of course, I wouldn’t have a computer or Facebook (gasp!!!). I could live without that as well.

The one thing I would the have the hardest time with would be dealing with my bipolar disorder.¬†¬†Manic-depression was not diagnosed until 1958.¬†Would I have been diagnosed with depression? Or would I just have been told that I had “nerves”? Would I have been given lithium? ¬†Or would I have self-medicated with alcohol? Unfortunately, I think the latter is more likely. Which, in turn, would not have helped the depression at all. Ugh. Certainly, no one was up front about their mental illness.

So, maybe the 50s wouldn’t have been so great after all.

I think I’ll stick to now, thank you.

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