bipolar mom shares her insights on everyday life

Posts tagged ‘brother’

God at Work

Today’s Monday link is of a personal nature.  Mark was confirmed yesterday.  And as I mentioned in a previous post, his testimony was about my brother. 

When I read his testimony on Wednesday, I cried.  I told him it was amazing, and that he really has a gift of putting into words how he feels.  I also told him to be prepared for there to be tears in the congregation of those who know the situation.  He said, “I know.  I’m kind of expecting that.  In fact, I knew when I came down here and you read it today, that you would cry.” 

He wanted to make sure he wasn’t being “mean.”  I assured him he was not.  He said that he had thought of being more specific about the “personal issues,” but thought it best not to elaborate.

So, without further ado, I give you the link to his testimony

I am so proud of him.  I cried a little when he delivered the testimony, because I was amazed at what a strong Christian Mark is.  And, how I truly fall short.  My friend told me that Tom and I had built a strong foundation for him.  Thank you, Liz.  But, still I wondered how I would be able to prevent what happened with my brother to happen with Mark. 

Then, I remembered Mark’s verse.  And, I’m following Mark’s example.

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Let Go. Let God.

Amazing what those four words can do.  Powerful.  Trust me.

I’ve been trying to get in touch with my brother regarding his attendance at Mark’s confirmation.  I sent him an email weeks ago, letting him know that his godson was already 14 and it was time for his confirmation.

No response.

Yesterday, I called him at work (since we are not allowed to call him at home), and he didn’t answer his cell phone or his work phone.  So, I left a message.  Very nice.  “I really need to talk to you.  Will you give me a call on my cell phone when you get a chance to talk?”

No reponse.

I called again this morning.  Again, voice mail.  “Look.  I really need to talk to you.  Call me.”  Then, I checked my email, and he’d written me and said that he would be available for one hour today.  Which, of course, had already passed.  Not his fault, really.  He wrote that he’d be in and out tomorrow.  I wrote back to call me when he had a chance.

This has been weighing on me for such a long time.  Down doesn’t even begin to describe this.  The pressure to say the “right thing” is huge.  I’ve been praying that God will give me the right words to say.  I just haven’t had to chance to say ANYTHING!

Mark is going to write his testimony about my brother.  His testimony is based on his Confirmation verse, Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”  His take on that verse is that he hasn’t seen my brother in a long time, and he doesn’t know why, but he knows God has a plan.  Do I mention that to my brother?  Or will that scare him off?  Or make him realize how important he really is to Mark?

So, while driving around this morning, I prayed, “God, I can’t deal with this anymore.  Can you take it from me?’  BAM!  Instant peace.  I swear.  Or promise, whatever.  I assure you this is the truth. 

This doesn’t mean it’s gone from my mind.  It’s still there, but the sinking feeling, the anxiety, the general feeling of ickiness is gone.  Completely disappeared.

Why did I wait so long to call on God?  He’s got it.

Happy Birthday to My Brother

It’s a bittersweet day for me.  My little brother turns 40 today.

Why bittersweet, Michelle?  No, friends, he’s not dead.  I just haven’t talked to him in over 5 years. 

After he got married and had a baby, his wife turned into a complete B****.  And, yes I meant for that to be a capital “B.”  She wasn’t always like this.  She was fun to be around before they got married.  After that, she changed slightly.  But after their first son was born, WHAMMO!  She pretty much refuses to let our family (grandparents included) visit.  Or let my brother visit us.  In fact, the last time my brother came, was when my dad had a heart attack and a five-way bypass 5 1/2 years ago.  Even then, his wife made him feel guilty for spending more than a day here.  She is of a different religion, and even though he doesn’t feel like that plays a part in all of this, from what I’ve read, it is classic behavior on her part.

Yes, my brother is an adult.  She just makes his life miserable if we even entertain the idea of visiting or try to contact him.  He does call my parents about once a week from work, and has been doing that for a couple of years.

They have 2 sons.  One is in Kindergarten, and we only saw him when he was a month old.  That was NOT a pleasant visit.  (We were allowed to visit only 2 hours each day.  Nice.)  It was even worse when my parents went the next week.  It’s a 10 hour drive from here to visit.  They have another son that just turned three and we’ve never seen him.

Normally, his birthday comes, and I think about him a little, then push him from my mind because it’s been so long.  But, today is different.  As I sit here with tears in my eyes, I remember our last conversation.  It was two days ago.  My dad went back into the hospital after his cardiologist sent him to the ER.  My mom contacted my brother, and then he called me to give me his home phone number.  I didn’t even recognize his voice.  It really tore me up.  I kept saying, “Your voice sounds so different.” 

It just made me realize how much I’ve missed him and how time has really flown.

Prayers are going up daily.  I pray for my parents to be able to see him soon.  I pray that he has the guts to stand up to his wife.  I pray for guidance as to what to do to help him.

I just have to keep reminding myself that God is in control.

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