bipolar mom shares her insights on everyday life

Posts tagged ‘tired’

There’s a Reason for Limits

Don’t worry.  The tote board is still moving along.  Day 5.  Woo hoo!

However, (and as one of my favorite comedians says, “Nothing good comes after ‘however.'”) this weekend I pushed it to the limit.  And, now I know why I have put these limits on myself. 

I was Sunday School Superintendent before the Loony Bin.  I, obviously, had to give that up afterward.  I spent the first five months of the year attending the adult classes and having no responsibility.  I enjoyed that quite a bit, but I missed the kids.  I missed teaching.  Before motherhood, I was a 2nd grade teacher, and I just loved it.  I’m glad I quit to stay home and raise my own kids, but I love interacting with other children and teaching them.  So, Sunday School filled that need/desire in my life.  Then, this summer, I told the current superintendent that I would be glad to help plan VBS, and take a turn teaching Sunday School this summer.  That worked out great.  I really enjoyed it.  I then helped plan the fall classes and have been able to teach with one of my best friends.  Even more fun than the summer! 

Then, this Sunday, the superintendent was going to be gone, and asked me if I thought I could handle being in charge.  I thought, “Sure.  Why not?  We already know what we are going to do, and even though we will have all the classes together, it surely isn’t a big deal.”  BUZZZZZZZ.  Unfortunately, one of the games we were going to play was a much bigger deal than I expected.  My mindcould NOT figure out how to make it work.  (It was kind of like a cross between Pictionary and Telephone.)  My parents tried to help me, and we came up with a plan.  Then, last night I worked until midnight cutting paper, trying to come up with ideas for drawing, etc. 

My daughter and I got to church in plenty of time for me to explain to the assistants what we would be doing and how they could help.  I started the class by conducting a review of the past lessons.  That went pretty well.  Then, I passed off the class to another teacher who summarized her lessons as well.  So far so good.  Next, came “THE GAME.”  It became a MUCH bigger deal than I even expected.  Kids not listening.  Adults becoming confused, even though I thought I had explained it to them.  Wow.  The part that my parents and I had figured out, totally went haywire.  Completely failed.  Mayhem ensued.  My brain was going nuts!  We had ten minutes left of class and absolute chaos. 

Finally, the adults helped and we got it all figured out.  The game ended as it was supposed to.  (Thank you, Lord Jesus!)  The kids thought it was fantastic, and one boy even understood why we played it in the first place.  HALLELUJAH!!!!  Anyone who doesn’t believe God exists, wasn’t in this class to see the miracle take place. 

That kind of thing could have happened to anyone, and I realize that.  The way I could tell I had taken it too far was at church, following Sunday School.  I play the drums for our service.  It is truly one of the highlights of my week.  I feel uplifted and that lasts well into the middle of the week.  Today, I just wasn’t feeling it.  I played just fine.  My heart and body just weren’t into it.    A couple of songs lifted me up, but then, I felt my insides just droop.  I started singing along (which I don’t normally do.  I am not miked, so it really doesn’t matter whether I do or not) and that helped a little.  I tried to focus, but I just couldn’t.  I was completely exhausted.  Inside and out.

Karen and I were driving home, and she, of course, asked about eating out, and suggested McDonald’s drive-thru.  I told her I was hungrier than that and would prefer a place that served breakfast.  She’s not a big fan of breakfasts (gets that from her dad), so she was out of ideas.  I just didn’t feel like trying to come up with a place, so I told her we’d just drive through McDonald’s andI didn’t get anything.  Just too tired.  (Don’t worry.  I ate when I got home.  I know that eating is only second to sleeping as far as triggers go.)

I’m not down or anything now.  And, I was never down today.  Just tired.  Very tired.  I am really looking forward to tomorrow when I get my day off.  And, actually, I don’t have any real responsibilities this week, so I am looking forward to that as well.

I think it is time to go and order a pizza.  Delivered.

You Can’t Hide Your Tired Eyes…

Let me start by saying I hate being tired.  I know there are worse things out there.  I know that I bring it on myself.  A lot.  And, maybe hate is too strong a word.  How about:  I really don’t care for being tired.  I don’t care for not being able to do what a “normal” person can do in a day.

Let’s backtrack a bit.  

Over the July 4th weekend, our family went camping and floating with my in-laws.  I know.  You say the word “inlaws” and groans and sympathic looks abound.  But, despite the fact that there were 14 kids under the age of 14 there at any one time, it was a very pleasant weekend.  We had the privilege of going to Pogueland which consists of 40 acres in a beautiful part of Missouri, near Emminence.  (My brother-in-law’s last name is Pogue, hence the name.)   However beautiful the scenery, however terrific the company was, the fact remains that I slept on an air mattress for three nights.  The first night was a little chilly, the second and third nights were not.  Even my 10-yr-old daughter said, “I can’t wait to get into a REAL bed!”  And that was on the second night.  😦 

As I’ve mentioned before, sleep is my bipolar trigger.  And, I did get a decent amount of sleep despite the circumstances.  My CPAP machine worked great.  The air mattress stayed inflated the entire trip.  But, it wasn’t a real bed, in real air conditioning, etc.

So, I’m not surprised that yesterday, I was more than a little edgy.  Today I’m just tired. 

But, this morning, I hardly did anything.  I jumped out of bed between 6 and 7 because I was going to have breakfast with a very close friend that I haven’t seen all summer.  During school we would see each other about once every two weeks.  If we could last that long.  And, as my mom always says, “When you have lunch with her, it’s always good for you.”  I agree wholeheartedly.  Bless her heart, I think I talked almost the whole time.  But, I do remember her getting in a few words.  Like, “I’ll have the pancakes”  and “No, I don’t need any more coffee.”  So, she wasn’t completely silent.  ha

After breakfast, I ran to Shoe Carnival to exchange a pair of shoes and pick up some “crocs” for my niece’s birthday.  In that same strip mall is a Party America, so I stepped in there to get a paper pirate hat for Sunday School.   On my way home, I popped into Schnuck’s for lettuce, grapes, carrots, and mayo.

Then I went home.

That was it.  I am beat.  I did make BLTs for lunch.  I felt I owed the family that much.  (Plus, my hubby grew the tomato himself, so we have anticipated eating it as soon as it was picked a couple of days ago.)

So, is that so much that I should be wiped out?  Yes, for me, I guess it is.  I still need to learn what is too much.  And, as I ran into Party America and Schnuck’s I knew I was pushing it.  But, I also knew that I wasn’t going to go to the party store before Sunday on a quick trip, what with the gas prices and the fact that it was in the same strip mall as the shoe store.  And, stopping by Schnuck’s was kind of important, since I had already told my husband that we’d have BLTs, and we didn’t have any lettuce.  And, who wants a BT?  That’s a completely different sandwich!

So, what should I have skipped?  What would I have done differently?  These are answers to questions that Only the Shadow Knows….

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