bipolar mom shares her insights on everyday life

Archive for November, 2009

Who Would Have Thunk It?

All four of us were in the car, when out of the blue, Mark says, “You know, I realized that I don’t look people in the eye when I talk to them.  I need to work on that.”


A.  Who thinks that?

B.  Who states it out loud to his family? 

This kid surprises me just about every day.  He’s becoming more responsible, just when I’m expecting him to be less so.  He decided (on his own) to take charge of his robot-building team, because he thought they lacked leadership.  They needed someone to tell each person a task, and then follow-up on it.  He saw this, and made the decision to fill that void.  The team members were thrilled.

This is the kid that doesn’t (usually) want to put more effort into anything that he doesn’t have to.  Unless it is his web site or other computer-related activities.

He did his homework immediately after returning home from church.  Usually, he waits until 5 or 6 o’clock.

Who is this kid?  (And, if he’s not really Mark, let’s pretend I never brought this up.   I like this kid.  Whoever he is.)

Why is That?

Why are all universities’ cafeterias closed on Sunday night?

I’m going to Google it, but I figure my readers are even smarter than Google.

(No real reason I’m asking.  It just came up this past weekend, and we didn’t have an answer.)

Sweet Sixteen

I’m home from the crop weekend, and it was the best one yet!  My stomach hurts from laughing so hard, and I actually got quite a few pages completed!

A new annual tradition we have started is the Sweet Sixteen.  It is a complete rip-off of radio host Dave Glover’s weekly Sweet Sixteen.  Each week he chooses a topic, and he and his co-hosts complete a Sweet Sixteen-esque bracket to decide the “Best” whatever.  (Recent titles include Best Horror Movie, Best Female Body, Best Smell) 

Last year’s category was Best Romantic Movie.  We had some interesting entries, but when it came down to it, Sense and Sensibility was king.  This year it was Best TV Family.  Again, some interesting and surprising suggestions.  And, we were surprised how hard it was to come up with the names of the families.  Eight is Enough?  Seventh Heaven?  (Answers at the bottom of the post)  The winner of Best TV Family was…..

The Cunninghams!

(There were a couple of disgruntled voters.  The last match-up was Cosbys vs. Cunninghams.  It was a close one.  The Cosby voters are demanding a recount and hanging chad check.) 

BTW, Dave Glover’s Best TV Family?  The Munsters.  WHA?!   They didn’t even make our first list.

This was just one of the fun events we had this weekend.  And, also, one of the few that I am allowed to discuss!  😀

AnswersEight is Enough:  Bradfords  Seventh Heaven:  Camdens


Anticipation…Making Me Wait

This weekend is my annual weekend getaway for scrapbooking.  A group of us has been getting together for many years.  In fact, I can never remember how long we’ve been doing this.  My friend, Stephanie, helps us remember each year.  I think it has been at least 7 years now.  We are meeting at a chalet we rent at Innsbrook which is nice and close, so we can all come (and go) when it works best for us. 

We planned this about 3 or 4 months ago.  There are 8 of us, so finding a weekend that we could all go, and that the chalet was available, wasn’t easy, but that’s why we plan it so far ahead.  Since then, I’ve passed up various opportunities because this weekend was planned.  (This is quite the popular weekend for community theater performances.  Oh well, there will be others.)  It didn’t matter.  This is an important weekend.

I’m getting so excited.  Then, I get this really stupid feeling.  What if it doesn’t live up to my expectations?  What if it’s not as great as I’m anticipating? 

I’ve been this way almost my entire life.  The anticipation was often greater than the actual event itself.  So, whenever I get excited about something, I worry I’ve built it up.

Case and point, Halloween night we always get together for a party at our neighbor’s house, and it’s always a good time.  But by Halloween morning, I was not wanting to go.  Several extra people were invited, and I thought the evening just wouldn’t be the same.  Then, of course, it was a blast.  Quite the roller coaster of emotions.  I can almost hear my therapist telling me it’s a waste of my brain.  Tough to break a habit that I’ve had for 30+ years.

This weekend, though, I’m 99% sure it will be wonderful.  I always make sure I get my sleep, so the cropping ’til 2 am doesn’t happen for me anymore, but it doesn’t matter.  We have hours and hours of laughs.  Plus, I do actually get a lot of pages completed for my scrapbooks.   That’s just a side bonus, though.   

It’s a Girls Weekend.  And I can’t wait.

A Picture’s Worth 1000 Words

I was looking for a picture to put in Mark’s yearbook today.  For $15, the parents send in a baby picture and a short message that gets printed in the back of the book.  Pretty cute.

So, as I’m looking through pictures, I had a range of emotions.  Amazed at how quickly the years have gone by.  Joy at remembering what a cutie he was.  And, guilt for the time I was not the best mom.

I am not a perfect mom now, but the pictures of Mark as a baby brought up many memories of how I really felt back then.  This before my diagnosis of depression.  Certain pictures brought back very strong emotions and memories.  In fact, I’ve had to quit looking at them for a little bit. 

I was always so tired, edgy, and just, well, depressed.  I thought that was how all moms felt.  What mom isn’t tired with a newborn?  Sure, there were happy times, but as I look at the pictures, I see one very tired mom.  I remember thinking, “This is what I thought I was meant to be?  A mom?  And, I suck at it!”  Then I got the help I needed, thank heavens.  What a difference compared to the pictures of when Karen was born.  I look like a completely different person.

Thank goodness he’s turned out just fine, so far.  I don’t foresee him ending up on Montel telling the world how messed up his mom made him.  (Of course, does anyone foresee that?  Yet, there they are, five days a week.)  God has taken care of him.  And, Tom was amazingly patient and loving.  So, it probably hasn’t messed him up too much.  But, if you see him on one of those talk shows, give me a call, would you?

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