Days have been better, but not great. I still seem to be teetering on the edge all the time. One little thing could push me off into tears or, for that matter, laughter. But, tears are the most common occurance these days. Sometimes as I sit and cry, I try to figure out if I would be crying even if I weren’t bipolar. That’s not as easy to do, as one might think. First of all, you are still so caught up in the moment that reason isn’t exactly knocking at your door wanting to come in. You have to go searching for it.
Right now there are a lot of outside elements pushing in while I’m trying to create my little “normal” bubble. And, I can’t exactly ignore them. So, I know I have to deal with them without letting them rule my life. Again, easier said than done.
I’ve been sleeping a lot. Am I depressed because I am sleeping or am I sleeping because I depressed? Ah, now that would be worth climbing the great mountain of wisdom and asking the guru sitting at the top, “So, what is up with THAT? HUH?!?”
I see my therapist on Tuesday, and he usually helps put things in perspective. I think I can make it until then. Well, I KNOW I can. Now I know that the light at the end of the tunnel is not an oncoming train.