Tough Times

My favorite time of year is over.  Bummer. The time between Christmas and New Year’s is my smiling time. There is always something to look forward to.

It starts out on Christmas Eve. Dinner with the folks, then off to church, then back home to open presents. This year we didn’t go to church because of the snow. We stayed home and had our own service. Each person chose a Christmas song, and Tom read the Christmas story from the Bible. It was pretty neat, actually.

Then CHRISTMAS DAY! This is my favorite part of my favorite part of the season. We drove down to Marshfield, MO (which we have done as long as I can remember. Unless someone was sick) to be with my extended family on my mom’s side. We always have a great time. Lots of laughing, lots to eat, and lots of love.

The day after Christmas means lunch with several kinds of soup at my aunt’s house. Then we are off to visit Tom’s side of the family. His brother lives in Springfield, so we stopped there first and visited with them and met baby Charlie! After that, we headed to Tom’s mom’s in Joplin. As always, she fixed a delicious meal. No one makes mashed potatoes as good as she does.

The next day we head home for some rest and relaxation, since Tom almost always takes the rest of the days off until the new year.

New Year’s Eve means a wonderful party that our family is invited to hosted by our friends at church. We have a great time playing games, and of course, eating. Now that our kids are old enough, they play games with us, or go off and play other games on their own. This year the “new game” was Just Dance 2. Hilarious, and fun. Yes, of course, I played. Those young whippersnappers nearly wore me out. I may have to get that game just to get some exercise. It’s not as complicated as DDR.

New Year’s Day is a day to relax and enjoy the last day off. (At least most years. This year we got another day, but you know what I mean.) Some people make resolutions. I just start trying to do something better. I cleaned up 1/4 of the basement. That’s saying a lot. Seriously. No, really.

Now, that is all over. (sigh) Wow. I really did just sigh. The kids have the day off tomorrow, Tom is back to work, and the usual routine will start soon enough. We’ll get back to our hurried schedules, which we do because we choose to. But, for one short period of time, we got a break from that. A time where we didn’t have to keep looking at our watches (except for that New Year’s Eve countdown, of course), but just enjoyed being together.

Our Father Knows Best

Lately, for some unknown reason, I’ve been looking back on various times of my life.

Yesterday, my former boyfriends was my thought topic. Some of the memories brought a smile to my face, others…not so much. I started doing the “what if…” game.   “What if I had married “Hercules” instead of Tom?” Every time I would insert a different name, a thousand reasons that Tom was better would come to mind. He’s obviously the best choice.

I only told one person “I love you.” And, yes, that was Tom, obviously. I didn’t realize people said it to more than one person. I just never did. I will still remember the feeling that came over me when Tom told me he loved me. My heart leapt out of my chest. I quickly responded with “I love you too!” and then we both hung up the phone really fast. You see, he was calling me to wish me a Happy New Year when he was living in Virginia, and I was living in Missouri.  We’d never dated. Just wrote letters and made expensive long distance calls. But, I knew then that Tom was THE guy for me.

So, as I reminisced about my past boyfriends, I really did come back to Tom as the winner over all those guys. I don’t regret dating those guys, because each relationship taught me something. (I feel like I have to put that disclaimer there. Some of those guys were really sweet, great guys. Others…(rolling eyes))

See, God had Tom out there for me. I couldn’t imagine any of those other guys dealing with my bipolar disorder with the calmness and love that Tom has. Right now, I have tears in my eyes because I know how very lucky I am. But, it’s not luck. It’s God. He’s got the plan. I just have to follow it. He hasn’t let me down yet.

The Ol’ Wells Place

I was cleaning up my desk today, and found a black and white picture of my dad sitting in his recliner in the house I grew up in. I have no idea when the picture was taken, but I do know that there was no tv in the corner, so it had to be in the late 60’s.

The picture brought back so many memories. The peg and plank floor in the family room where I used to stand up playing cards between the boards. I think I did that for hours. In my mind, the Queen of Hearts was of course The Queen, but her love was the Jack of Clubs. The King of Spades was the bad guy.  And 7 always loved 6, but 8 was jealous.  Yep. All that with a hardwood floor and a deck of cards. We didn’t have a Wii or computers. Heck, our tv was black and white and rolled across the floor on a metal cart.  AND you had to GET UP to change the channels, kids!

Wow, I got off track there. I played on the floor a lot in family room of that house. I liked being around my parents and my brother. We didn’t have to be doing stuff together, just being in the same room worked for me.

The rug in the picture also brings back memories. I think everyone had one of those rugs in their houses. It was oval, and it was braided and had different colored ovals. This made for a great race track for my Matchbox and Hot Wheels cars. Yes, I played with cars. And cards. And, don’t worry, Barbies too. (I didn’t play much with dolls. I had a lot of stuffed animals that took up my time. I didn’t have time to take care of babies too.)

I also can see the french doors that led out to our patio. Everyone else had a sliding glass door. We had french doors. I always wanted a sliding glass door. Do I have one in my house now? No. What does Karen wish we had? Sliding glass doors. Tree, meet your apple.

All those memories from a 3×3 black and white photo.

Zzzzzz’s? OH YEAH!

The alarm went off at 6 am.  I got out of bed to wake up Mark. As I came back into the bedroom I said, “THIS is how it feels to get a good night’s sleep!”  I actually felt refreshed!  Rejuvenated!  Revitalized!  What a wonderful feeling.  And, what a difference one night makes.

All morning long, I was filled with energy!  Mark ran in his second cross country meet, and ROCKED!  He medaled and beat his personal record by 2 minutes!  (Please note the use of exclamation points.  They are how I felt at the time.  AND FEEL NOW!  Woooooooo!)

We didn’t get home until 1:30, but it didn’t matter.  I didn’t fall asleep once on the ride there or home. Karen was practically begging me to not make her audition for show choir tomorrow, but I didn’t lose my cool.  Nope.  I didn’t go off into my room because I couldn’t handle it.  These are things that would have happened last week without sleep.  With sleep, I was gentle, but firm.  I suggested she call her friend that was in show choir with her last year and ask her which audition time she would be attending, and told her that maybe talking to her friend might make her more excited and less nervous. 

I hope you are sitting down for this next part…Karen actually came into the room and said, “Mom, I just wanted you to know that you were right. I talked to Katherine and now I’m kind of excited about tomorrow.”  Yes.  You read that right.  Without any coaxing or “I told you so’s” exiting my mouth, this child said those actual words to me.

Yes, today is a WONDERFUL day! Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. They worked!

Like a Baby

Ever wonder why people use the phrase “slept like a baby?”  In my experience, babies aren’t that great of sleepers.  They wake up several times a night.  What’s so wonderful about that?

But, the phrase, “cry like a baby” makes a lot more sense.  Babies cry.  Hard.  And, so did I yesterday.  I sent my son off to high school as a Freshman.  Sometimes he looks so grown-up and other times, like yesterday, he looked so young. As soon as I shut the door as he walked to school, I bawled my head off.  Tom looked at me as if I’d lost my mind.  So many things were swirling in my head.  Would he actually find his locker in time? (As of that morning, he still didn’t know exactly where it was.) Would he have someone to sit with at lunch? Since he forgot his lunch and left it at home, would he be able to figure out how buying lunch worked?  Would he find all his classes?  And, finally, how did my little baby grow up so fast?

I’m happy to report that he had a good day.  Even though I had to wait until 5:30 to find out.  He has joined the Cross Country team this year, and, in fact said that was his favorite part of the day.  🙂 

And, yes, I waited and waited for him to come home.  I was out in the front yard “pulling weeds” so that I could see him when he was coming down the sidewalk.

God at Work

Today’s Monday link is of a personal nature.  Mark was confirmed yesterday.  And as I mentioned in a previous post, his testimony was about my brother. 

When I read his testimony on Wednesday, I cried.  I told him it was amazing, and that he really has a gift of putting into words how he feels.  I also told him to be prepared for there to be tears in the congregation of those who know the situation.  He said, “I know.  I’m kind of expecting that.  In fact, I knew when I came down here and you read it today, that you would cry.” 

He wanted to make sure he wasn’t being “mean.”  I assured him he was not.  He said that he had thought of being more specific about the “personal issues,” but thought it best not to elaborate.

So, without further ado, I give you the link to his testimony. 

I am so proud of him.  I cried a little when he delivered the testimony, because I was amazed at what a strong Christian Mark is.  And, how I truly fall short.  My friend told me that Tom and I had built a strong foundation for him.  Thank you, Liz.  But, still I wondered how I would be able to prevent what happened with my brother to happen with Mark. 

Then, I remembered Mark’s verse.  And, I’m following Mark’s example.

Mrs. Clean

Yep.  I’m cleaning the house.  Thoroughly.

As I mentioned earlier, Mark’s Confirmation is this weekend.  We will be having 24 people here at the house for lunch afterward.  Which is great.  Really.  It is!  I’m honestly looking forward to it.

But, of course, before everyone arrives, we’ve got to clean this house.  As I was cleaning the inside of the china cabinet today, it hit me.  No one is going to notice that it’s clean.  No one.  (Yes, the majority of the people attending the luncheon read this blog.  No, I didn’t write this so you would notice the cleanliness of my china cabinet.)

What people do notice is when it’s not clean.  Would anyone have noticed that there was an inch (or so) of dust on the glass shelves?  Maybe not.  But, yeah, they probably would.

I’m sure I’m supposed to get satisfaction from having it clean, not relying on other people’s praise for gratification.  But, seriously, if it were up to me, I would have done something else. 

Actually, I did stand back and admire my work.  Turns out vinegar and water really do work great for cleaning glass.  There were no streaks and everything did seem to shine.  So, I am glad that I did it.  I’m glad that my dining room is picked up, dusted, and ready for company. 

Now, just 10 more rooms to go.  ugh.  Maybe I can just cram all 24 of them in the dining room.

Let Go. Let God.

Amazing what those four words can do.  Powerful.  Trust me.

I’ve been trying to get in touch with my brother regarding his attendance at Mark’s confirmation.  I sent him an email weeks ago, letting him know that his godson was already 14 and it was time for his confirmation.

No response.

Yesterday, I called him at work (since we are not allowed to call him at home), and he didn’t answer his cell phone or his work phone.  So, I left a message.  Very nice.  “I really need to talk to you.  Will you give me a call on my cell phone when you get a chance to talk?”

No reponse.

I called again this morning.  Again, voice mail.  “Look.  I really need to talk to you.  Call me.”  Then, I checked my email, and he’d written me and said that he would be available for one hour today.  Which, of course, had already passed.  Not his fault, really.  He wrote that he’d be in and out tomorrow.  I wrote back to call me when he had a chance.

This has been weighing on me for such a long time.  Down doesn’t even begin to describe this.  The pressure to say the “right thing” is huge.  I’ve been praying that God will give me the right words to say.  I just haven’t had to chance to say ANYTHING!

Mark is going to write his testimony about my brother.  His testimony is based on his Confirmation verse, Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”  His take on that verse is that he hasn’t seen my brother in a long time, and he doesn’t know why, but he knows God has a plan.  Do I mention that to my brother?  Or will that scare him off?  Or make him realize how important he really is to Mark?

So, while driving around this morning, I prayed, “God, I can’t deal with this anymore.  Can you take it from me?’  BAM!  Instant peace.  I swear.  Or promise, whatever.  I assure you this is the truth. 

This doesn’t mean it’s gone from my mind.  It’s still there, but the sinking feeling, the anxiety, the general feeling of ickiness is gone.  Completely disappeared.

Why did I wait so long to call on God?  He’s got it.

Happy Birthday to My Brother

It’s a bittersweet day for me.  My little brother turns 40 today.

Why bittersweet, Michelle?  No, friends, he’s not dead.  I just haven’t talked to him in over 5 years. 

After he got married and had a baby, his wife turned into a complete B****.  And, yes I meant for that to be a capital “B.”  She wasn’t always like this.  She was fun to be around before they got married.  After that, she changed slightly.  But after their first son was born, WHAMMO!  She pretty much refuses to let our family (grandparents included) visit.  Or let my brother visit us.  In fact, the last time my brother came, was when my dad had a heart attack and a five-way bypass 5 1/2 years ago.  Even then, his wife made him feel guilty for spending more than a day here.  She is of a different religion, and even though he doesn’t feel like that plays a part in all of this, from what I’ve read, it is classic behavior on her part.

Yes, my brother is an adult.  She just makes his life miserable if we even entertain the idea of visiting or try to contact him.  He does call my parents about once a week from work, and has been doing that for a couple of years.

They have 2 sons.  One is in Kindergarten, and we only saw him when he was a month old.  That was NOT a pleasant visit.  (We were allowed to visit only 2 hours each day.  Nice.)  It was even worse when my parents went the next week.  It’s a 10 hour drive from here to visit.  They have another son that just turned three and we’ve never seen him.

Normally, his birthday comes, and I think about him a little, then push him from my mind because it’s been so long.  But, today is different.  As I sit here with tears in my eyes, I remember our last conversation.  It was two days ago.  My dad went back into the hospital after his cardiologist sent him to the ER.  My mom contacted my brother, and then he called me to give me his home phone number.  I didn’t even recognize his voice.  It really tore me up.  I kept saying, “Your voice sounds so different.” 

It just made me realize how much I’ve missed him and how time has really flown.

Prayers are going up daily.  I pray for my parents to be able to see him soon.  I pray that he has the guts to stand up to his wife.  I pray for guidance as to what to do to help him.

I just have to keep reminding myself that God is in control.

Papi’s Pizza and Subs

Yum yum yum yum!

My friend and I went to Papi’s for lunch last week.  They have lunch deals, and for $6 you can have a salad and soda, a pizza and soda, or a sandwich and soda.  DELICIOUS! 

So yummy that I took my family there for dinner that same night!  The kids and I split the family meal deal which was a large 2 topping pizza, salad, and breadsticks all for $19.99.  Tom got a small pizza for himself.  (He likes lots of stuff on his pizza.)  We all ate the salad, which was HUGE and the breadsticks and pizza were delicious!  We couldn’t eat it all.  They make their own crust and breadsticks. 

The desserts are awesome too!  The ice cream tastes homemade, the cookies are as big as a kid’s head, and they have FUNNEL FRIES!!!!!!!!  I cannot say enough about the FUNNEL FRIES!!!!!!  It’s like eating at 6 Flags without the overpriced admission and 93 birds flocking around you, hoping for a bite.

I highly recommend this place.  By going there you support our local merchants, support the local economy, and it doesn’t cost you an arm and a leg.

Give it a try next time you are in the Wildwood area.  I’ll probably be there too.  🙂