I don’t know why I looked on here, but today I did. So, it looks like I haven’t blogged since January. Wow. There goes that resolution. I’m in a down-slump right now. The family is at church, but I just couldn’t bring myself to go. Too much work to be “on.” And, about the third “How are you?” I would have been fighting back tears.
A couple of weeks ago, the doctor upped my Abilify to boost me out of my depression. It was a really bad one. I felt like I was headed for the hospital for sure, but the Abilify helped. For the most part. I’m still struggling with some down times.
The family went on a vacation to Gatlinburg, TN for a family reunion and we all had a good time. Yep. Even I did. I didn’t nap excessively. In fact, there were two days I didn’t nap at all! Sleep is still proving to be an issue. A red flag as it were. I’m working on it, though. Trying to limit the time.
I realize this post is all jumpy and doesn’t flow, but I figure, why not just type it up anyway? I hope you, my readers, will say a little prayer for me. Your prayers have worked in the past and I have confidence they will again.
Authors and songwriters talk a lot about writer’s block. Well, just like my anti-anorexia (see blog of May 9, 2008…the link feature isn’t working right now, so you’ll have to go down to the right side of the page here and click on May 2008 archives), I’m having anti-writer’s block.
I have so much I want to write about that my brain is spinning. My fingers can hardly keep up with the thoughts in my head right now.
- I want to update you on my emotional state
- I want to tell you about a funny conversation with my psychiatrist
- I want to relay funny/interesting stories about my latest trip to the loony bin
- I want to relay funny/interesting stories about my time spent in out-patient therapy
- I want to write about just regular stuff!
I don’t know what to write first! And, as I get started writing one, then five other things pop into my head.
So, I’m going to write what many of you who read this blog are apparently the most interested in. My mental health. Maybe just getting this out will allow me to write about more topics tomorrow.
Still a roller coaster. Had a big crash on Wednesday night. Major panic attack, uncontrollable crying, guilt, you know, the usual. (Well, it is beginning to feel like the usual. (sigh))
Talked to the psychiatrist Thursday and we are still “tweaking” the meds. Increase Abilify…maybe the daily crying will stop. Decrease the Xanax. Maybe I won’t feel like Rip Van Winkle. (I definitely don’t feel like Sleeping Beauty!)
I gotta tell you, now that I’ve been working on this for over a month (and, yes, I know it is a lifetime deal, but I hope you know what I mean), I’m getting a little frustrated AND fed up.
But, hey, Scarlett and Pollyanna, tomorrow is another day!